The literature you are about to read is divided into several parts. Its contents are based on facts and fictions. The main players are Somalis, Ethiopians, and the international community.

Part I

In the first week of February 2009, “THE” 10th or 11th government was formed for Somalia in Djibouti. There were celebrations and welcoming demonstrations in Somalia and abroad, but not in Asmara or Addis Ababa, the most influential capitals for Somalia’s affairs. In fact, they are indifferent on who rises or falls in Somali politics because their war games will continue regardless of the head of the state. Of course their goals are different: Ethiopia has a long term goal, which they can achieve only if they continue with the destabilization of Somalia. After the war broke between Ethiopia and Eritrea, Mr. Zenawi dreamed an expensive dream that the landlocked Ethiopia could access the Gulf of Aden and Indian Ocean. Actually, he succeeded in the first step because he has undermined every Somali government for the past 15 years, and now the world recognizes Somalia as a de facto failed state. Indeed, he is trying his best to achieve his aspiration, which is beyond just manipulating and controlling Somali politicians. Of course every leader in his situation, with an imperial mentality, would have had envisioned snatching the “no man’s” sea shores of Somalia. Further, in another 20 years down this path, Somalia will be declared a failed nation, and it will be then that Ethiopia’s long desire to expand into Somalia will be accomplished. Meanwhile Eritrea’s aim is to spread the Ethiopian forces thin and weaken their resource for their own interests.

Zirrow: And now what?
On February 10, 2009 Mr. Zirrow raised this question once more to his advisors in a meeting that included two top Ethiopian think tanks who have specialized on foreign affairs, particularly in the Horn of Africa.
Everybody looked at Asfaum to open the discussion and elaborate what the Minister had in mind. Ketema, Yilma Feleke, Asfaum, Tesfaye who are the official advisors of Mr. Zirrow and
Tatadim and Germa who are members of the National Ethiopian Think Tanks A (NETTA) were present in this meeting.

Asfaum: Mr. Minister I know that you are a little disappointed about the failed plan that Ahmed and I tried when we got rid of Abdullahi Yusuf. I am not justifying the failure, but you have to understand that we were in a hostile country. Any Somali reconciliation process held in Djibouti is impossible for us to have the upper hand or strong inputs. Like Arta, we could not directly dictate the process or choose the new parliament members or the top leaders of the Government. Nevertheless, I assure you that we will not slow down both our short and long term goals. We have laid out a fresh approach and I would like to welcome my colleague Katema to explain it.
Ketema: Mr. Minister, with help of Tatadim and Germa we developed a new strategy regarding the destabilization of the new Somali Government.  Our official position will be the same as the rest of the world, which is to welcome the new government, but we will actually be destroying it like we did with Arta’s TNG.
Zirrow: How?
Ketema: We heavily arm all the groups who want to topple Sharif’s Government, as well as the government itself. We reactivated our loyal warlords and the sheikhs, and we opened a new supply channel to our old enemies. They are the most effective fighters among all groups because we have seen them in the battle field, when they were fighting with our troops.
 Zirrow: Are you talking about Al-shabab, the ones who drove us out of Mogadishu?
Katema: Precisely!
Yilma: Sir, the enemy of your enemy is your friend!…khakakakakha ….And any viable government which may flourish in Somalia is our enemy.
Ketema: And now who is the number one enemy to Sharif’s government? ..Al-Shabab! Therefore, we have to help them directly and indirectly.
Asfaum: And besides that our troops are stationed along the Somali border just incase…
Zirrow: Yes, yes! I knew it all because it was my plan…. Thank you and the meeting is adjourned.
Asfaum: Of course Sir. It was your plan.

While the Ethiopians were having their usual discussion for the destruction of Somalia, a group of friends who were concerned about Somalia’s prospect met in Tukwila. AJ, Kaise,
Dr. Abdirazaq, Boqor Ali, Shino, Roble and Garmaqaate were among this group.

Kaise: Brother AJ, I see from your face that something is bothering you. Somalia has a new government, a new bread. Young and energetic gentlemen are in charge now. So you should not worry any more about Somalia’s problems.
AJ: It is not that. It is the international and the regional communities which dissolve the Somali governments before their term expires. Every four years they set up an agenda and a venue for Somali reconciliation conferences. Then they select a new government, which they will dismiss a few years later.
Dr. Abdirzaq: What is wrong with that? It is better to have a new government every four years, instead of having a tyrant who stays in power for decades.
Boqor Ali: Hey you never know, maybe they are experimenting with this four year term limit to see if it can be implemented in Africa. I guess Somalia is the only test lab available.
AJ: I don’t mind the term limits! As a matter of fact I like it. But it has to come from the Somalis, not the outsiders.
Roble:  I agree with AJ. Who are the chief architects of these affairs? Mr. Zenawi, Mr. Afawerki, Mr. Bashir,  Mr. Museveni and so forth… They should look at themselves in the mirror and see what they are doing to their own countries. Nevertheless, it is the Somalis fault because for so long they were deceived by these despots who can not run their own country properly.
Garmaqaate: In my clan’s case we don’t care if they change the government
every four years or not because our clan is always a winner.
Boqor Ali: How and what is your clan winning? The Somali plight!!?
Garmaqaate: No, we are winning every administration’s highest positions like the Prime Minister or the President.
Kaise: So, what did your clan achieve from these position?
Garmaqaate: It does not matter about the material achievements. What matters is the title that we never lose.
Shino: Are you serious?
Garmaqaate: Yes, I am!
Shino: That is the dilemma we are facing today. Thousands of Somalis are dying over stupid titles and you are embracing it.
Garmaqaate: Brother Shino, we are not the first and I am sure we will not be the last who will die for a title, whether it is stupidity or not.
AJ: Please don’t turn the subject into a personal issue or clan affairs. I brought up this question to revisit  whether the international community’s “HELP” is hurting or helping the Somali situation. 
Garmaqaate: To the contrary! What I am saying is the reality on the ground…and I can not help you if God made you a minority clan.
AJ: Unfortunately, we are not on the same page or level. Your mind is frozen on clan contests and I am talking about Somalia’s fate!!!

It was not only this group who was conversing about the Somali issues, but  the new government and the opposition Sheiks were also discussing how to manage the Somali affairs. Soon after the new government was formed, a committee of Hizbul Islam and shabab met in an undisclosed place. They were discussing their demands for the new government, while the cabinet members met in Mogadishu to put forward their own agenda.

Sheikh Abu Haarun: When we were liberating this country from the Ethiopians, the  guys who were having casiir (orange juice) in London, Dubei, and Asmara selected/elected  themselves in Djibouti as parliamentarians and government junta. Therefore, my fellow brothers is this acceptable and fair to us? If not how shall we deal with it?
Sheikh Abu Zainab: We will not relent and we will not sleep until we reach our goals; the ultimate goals that we have been fighting for years.
Sheikh Warsame: What would be that ultimate goal yaa Sheikuna?
Shiekh Caways: A-ssharia’ Islamiyah!
Sheikh Sule: No Sheikuna, for the time being we have only one goal and that is to drive out all the infidels from our country!
Sheikh Abu Hildiid: Once the Ethiopian conflict ended our main goal is to destroy all mausoleums, tombs and burial places.
Sheikh Abu HayakAllah: Our goals are: First, to eliminate any kind of contact between men and women. They can‘t ride in the same car or airplane. Secondly, starting from birth, all females must adhere to the dress code of Jalaalib. And thirdly, women can go out only tree times: a) From mother’s womb into the world. b) From their family’s house to their husband’s house on their wedding night and c) From their house to the graveyard when they die.
Sheikh Warsame: In other words, they would be locked up in their house… And if it is so, why would they wear the jalaalib.
Sheikh Abu HayakaAllah: Oops! I don’t know, but the Taliban told us this way.
Sheikh Warsame: Did the Taliban tell you who will go out and buy the groceries and other necessary items for the household? 
Sheikh Caweys: Please stop talking about mas’alooyinkaas (those issues). Shall we welcome the Sheikhs who attended the general meeting of all  Al-Uluma sects. Sheikh Abu Ali, you should go first.
Sheikh Abu Ali: Oh God, as usual they bribed everybody.
Sheikh Abu Zahra: Who bought who?
Sheikh Abu Ali: We were all together, 101 people from different sects and only 15 of us  raised the legitimacy of this government. I am not sure who bribed the other people, the government or their allies, but everybody was against us. We thought our campaign was going to be so effective… And on top of that, do you remember how we were delighted when Mr. Zenawi confessed that his relationship with Sheikh Sharif goes way back? I thought it was the turning point of those who had doubts about our claims regarding Sheikh Sharif, yet he is becoming more and more popular.

First government meeting in Mogadishu on February 15, 2009.

Hyppoh. As you all know we appointed you to the positions that you are enjoying, therefore we expect you to be loyal to this government. Otherwise, the door is open…
Farah: Sir, I am not loyal to anybody except the charter, my people and my country, and I am not leaving.
Hyppoh: That is the problem which caused the fall of the previous governments. Now, we need everyone of you to pledge your loyalty.
Mohamed: Mr. Minister, I believe that we are going off the agenda and I expect you 
to intervene before this discussion goes wild.
Omar1: Well, who has an agenda?
Sheikh Sakiin: Sir, I have one issue. I spoke with the Kenyan authority to collect the tax for us, so we don’t have to worry about our expenses in Nairobi hotels.
Sheikh Abu Caddani: On behalf of the president, I am forwarding to you all the president’s agenda for the next three months. He will travel extensively to the neighboring countries, the Middle East, Europe, and any country which is willing to invite or accommodate the president.  
Sheikh Abdirahman:  As you all know we changed our hub from Addis Ababa to Nairobi, so the Kenyans invited all of us  into Nairobi. We need to get acquainted with our brothers and counterparts.  
Omar1: I am requesting your approval of the following prominent nine intellectuals as tax collectors at Mogadishu Harbor and Aden Abdulle International Airport.
Mohamed: What?  Mogadishu tax collectors! Are we elected as the leaders of Somalia or the municipality of Mogadishu. Any plan or policy we present here should be for the whole Somalia.
Sheikh Sakiin: Mohamed, please be practical do you think we can go Barbara, Bosaso, or Kismayo and collect taxes?
Mohamed: I know that you can’t go tomorrow and collect taxes every where in Somalia. But laying out the national policy and the appointment of the committees or government officials should not be confined into Mogadishu.
Omar2: Can I say something please, my hand has been up in the air for a while now! I am traveling to Addis Ababa. Thank you!
Mohamed: Wait a minute, Mr. Minister this is not the way to conduct cabinet meetings. I was expecting an itemized written agenda on the table, but it seems…
Hyppoh: Mohamed, stop there! That is what I was talking about… Are you questioning the Prime Minister’s ways of exercising his power and  prerogatives? Please be loyal to the government otherwise…
Mohamed: Otherwise what? And who are you to talk to me like that?
Omar1: Please calm down.
Mohamed: Mr. Minister a colossal task is awaiting us and we have very little time. Unfortunately, if we continue to conduct our meetings like this, we will not accomplish anything. We only have two years and our mandate is to reconcile all the warring factions and oppositions. I see that everybody wants to travel abroad either to his/her family’s residence in  Amsterdam, London, Sidney, Toronto, and Minneapolis or they want to relax in a first class hotel in Addis, Nairobi, Entebbe, and Istanbul. Instead, they should be traveling to Kismayo, Bidhabo, Bardhere Beltweyn, Bosaso, Burco and Burame.
Gandaa: The main problem that we are facing is our differences and interests. We have veterans who have been members of Siad Barre’s government, senior ministers in TNG, beginners from TFG, and even those who have never ran any kind of government office.
Hyppoh: Mr. Gandaa, we don’t need experts or experience. We have an equal footing and only loyalty is what counts in here!

to be continued part II

Abdulkadir Aden Jangeli
Email:jangelione@yahoo.com